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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187369">To Be A Better Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoreanonyname/pseuds/Amoreanonyname'>Amoreanonyname</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coda, Codependent Winchesters (Supernatural), Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester Cuddling, Episode: s15e16 Drag Me Away (From You), Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, HARD gen, Idiots in Love, M/M, Missing Scene, No Smut, Quote: Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically irrationally erotically codependent on each other, Short One Shot, Swearing, Wincest - Freeform, gencest, ish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:48:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoreanonyname/pseuds/Amoreanonyname</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But he was walking towards Dean’s room anyway, because Dean was still Dean, and Sam was still Sam, and when the rest of humanity was learning about healthy boundaries, he and Dean had missed that class and had probably been off selling their souls for each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>235</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Be A Better Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is another of my wrote-it-in-thirty-minutes specials, so apologies if it turns out it sucks! But I wanted to write a fix-it for the last ep, and I wanted to let Sam take me there. So - this is what I got!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as they got home, they split off to their separate rooms. Sam paced and punched his pillow a few times and swore out loud. Who the hell knew what Dean was doing. Sam hadn’t been this angry in awhile. Just, <em>all of it</em>. Jack was supposed to die? Dean didn’t tell him? Dean told him, but packaged it with a bunch of condescending bullshit about “ethical questions”? Dean was <em>okay with any of this? </em>What the fuck was wrong with him? </p><p>Sam huffed and puffed and slowly calmed himself down. He knew he was right, and he knew Dean was wrong.</p><p>He also knew that Dean knew it. That he’d tried to apologize in the car. He also knew Dean wasn’t, in fact, okay with this. He couldn’t be. It just wasn’t who Dean was. Sacrificing someone else? Sacrificing a kid - <em>their kid</em>? Hell, there had been times in the past where <em>Sam</em> had been more willing to take some collateral damage for the goal, and Dean was the one who stopped it. Dean was never okay with this sort of thing.</p><p>So what was going on? </p><p>Sam knew he was right and Dean was wrong, and he knew he had zero obligation to psychoanalyze his brother, to dig or search for a solution. It wasn’t on Sam to fix this. </p><p>But at the same time, what little Sam knew about any kind of relationship, guarding the zero-sum doesn’t actually help anything, and the moral high ground could be a pretty lonely place. He could be stubbornly right, or he could take the first step.</p><p>The truth was, he knew Dean was terrified. </p><p>This was Dean terrified. This was Dean doomed to Hell and inexplicably more frightened of something happening to <em>Sam</em>. This was Dean shoving Sam into a panic room, and an angel into Sam, because the alternatives didn’t bear thinking about (even if he really should have thought about them). This was Dean planning his retirement to outer space or the bottom of the ocean, Dean trying to keep Sam out of the Apocalypse World because stuff lived there that had killed Sam in the past. </p><p>This was Dean up against the wall, convinced they were out of time and out of options. This was Dean, at peak controlling-asshole, black-and-white, head of their little family and captain of their little ship, thinking he had to make the hard decisions. This was Dean, four years old and grabbing Sam and running, the only thing Dean had ever been sure he’d done right. And one part of Sam wanted to yell all over again, because <em>Jesus fucking Christ Dean, I’m not a child</em>. But a smaller, rational part of Sam knew that wasn’t really what it was about. </p><p>Sam was just as fucking done with dancing to Chuck’s tune as Dean was, and just as scared. Would they even be alive next week? Would there even <em>be</em> a next week? But he wasn’t willing to put Jack on the altar for their freedom. He just couldn’t, wouldn’t, agree with this plan. The fight would have to happen whether Dean liked it or not.</p><p>At the same time, he knew his brother was scared and feeling alone and, demonstrably, not making great decisions. And Sam knew what that was like, and he knew what it was like to have someone be there with him anyway.</p><p>Sam knew he didn’t actually <em>need</em> to do anything about that. He’d read enough psychology books to know that Dean’s emotions weren’t actually Sam’s problem to fix, especially when Dean was being a dick - and Dean <em>was</em> being a dick. Sam didn’t need to be the bigger person, he didn’t need to reach out, he didn’t need to be the one to make this better. Sam didn’t need to be the better man right now.</p><p>But he was walking towards Dean’s room anyway, because Dean was still Dean, and Sam was still Sam, and when the rest of humanity was learning about healthy boundaries, he and Dean had missed that class and had probably been off selling their souls for each other. He was going to Dean’s room because Sam couldn’t actually make <em>this</em> better, but he could almost certainly make <em>them</em> better. And if he could make <em>them</em> better, he honestly didn’t give two shits about whether he was right or wrong right then, because, for better or worse, <em>them</em> mattered more. </p><p>How many times had it been Sam in the hot seat, Sam being an ass, Sam misguided and lost and doing something awful, and Dean had reached out, when he didn't have to? How many times between them had Dean forgiven, been the better man when Sam hadn't really deserved it?</p><p>They may not be alive next week. There may not be a next week. Sam had learned what could happen if he stewed too long, whether he was justified or not. </p><p>A knock. A pause. Then a grumbled assent. Sam could practically hear Dean’s eyes rolling through the door. But of course Dean let him come in. Stared at him warily from his bed.</p><p>“Sam-”</p><p>“Don’t, Dean. Just. Just don’t.” </p><p>Even as the words came out, sharp and aggressive, Sam was moving towards Dean, climbing into bed with Dean, pulling him flush against Sam’s chest just the way Dean hated, but secretly loved, because he wasn’t supposed to ever be the little spoon, and Sam was never supposed to have gotten bigger, but he also just couldn’t be that close to Sam and surrounded by him without going limp and turning to mush. Sam jerked Dean’s pillow backwards so he could lie on it too - typically if they shared, they shared Sam’s room, and Sam’s room was set up for sharing. </p><p>Sam made an effort to soften his tone when he spoke again.</p><p>“We’re not - I don’t want to talk about it anymore tonight, okay? We can kick each other’s asses in the morning.” </p><p>Dean paused, and sighed, and nodded. “Okay, Sam.” And at that, Sam felt Dean relax against him and take Sam’s hand, tightening Sam’s arm around him.</p><p>Sam matched his sigh, bent his head forward and nuzzled into his brother’s hair. This was better. <em>It</em> wasn’t better, but this. This was better. Silently, he thanked Dean for showing him how to be a better man. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone for reading! This was a rush job, but as always, I welcome any feedback!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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